Hopefully my last Great Big Blog Sale

I'm finally making the proper switch to clean products: the last stage in my get healthy overhaul.

So below is listed for sale all the things I cannot use anymore (sob).

This is a UK sale only.

Everything has been stored responsibly away from direct heat & sunlight and is from a non smoking household. Everything has also been purchased at full price by myself - there are no freebies here. 

Please leave me a comment to reserve anything (or tweet me @miffy101), along with your email. Please can you pay your invoice within 24hours of receiving (through Paypal). 

Sorry but no returns.

Postage: For your first item postage is £1.50 (recorded delivery). Please add 20p for each subsequent item.

ILLAMASQUA Powder Foundation PF150

Lightly swatched £5

MAC Pencil 'Smoulder' 

Sharpened once £1 

LAURA MERCIER Creme Brulee EdP 50ml

Used a third £5

CONNOCK LONDON Kukui Oil Soothing Bath Oil

I've taken 2 baths with this £5

CONNOCK LONDON Kukui Oil Hydrating Body Lotion

Used twice £5

KING OF SHAVES Queen Of Shaves Ta-Da! Shaving Gel

Brand new £1.00

INIKA Mineral Eye Shadow 'Autumn Plum'

Lightly swatched £3

VAPOUR Lip Gloss 'Discreet'

Tested on hand (my lips are too pigmented to wear this nude) £5

BECCA Line + Illuminate Pencil 'Capri'

Sharpened once £3

ALPHA H Clear Skin daily face Wash

Used pea sized amount £5

ALPHA H Clear Skin Blemish Control gel 

Tested rice sized amount £4

ALPHA H Gentle Daily Exfoliant

Dispensed 2 pre measured amounts £5

KARIN HERZOG 

Silhouette Anti Cellulite Body Cream 150ml

Used once £5

Tonus B12 Draining Cream 150ml

Used once £5

HISSY FIT Saving Face Anti Ageing Foundation spf 50+

Used once £4

LA ROCHE POSAY Anthelios XL spf50+

Brand new £5

L'OREAL Colour Appeal Trio Pro - Hazel Eyes

Used 3 Times £1

OPI Gold shatter £2

Tested on one nail.

OPI Blue Shatter £2

Tested on one nail

ROCOCO 'Stone Cold Karma Luxe' £2

Tested on one nail

NUBAR 'Ballerina' £2

Brand new

ESSIE 'Mademoiselle' £1

Worn twice

ESSIE 'Wicked' £1

Tested on one nail

BUTTER LONDON 'Aston' £1

LEIGHTON DENNY 'Babydoll' £1

Brand new

NB This is a lot peachier than photographed.

LEIGHTON DENNY 'Pure White' £1

Tested on one nail tip

ROCOCO 'Jaded Luxe' £1

NAILS INC 'Saville Row' £1

Brand new

NATIO 'Brandy' £1

Used on one nail.

Splintering......

And so it begins. The falling again. Watching your own heart open & weep painful hot tears. The pain of separation which leaves me gasping; like a small child.

Something I'd like to tell my 16 year old self? Get hardened to it sister, right now, because it never gets any better, any easier: nip it in the bud before you grow into it. Except I didn't.

Your mind plays tricks with your heart or is it your heart which makes a fool of the mind? My heart aches for the man, but is he real or were my desires and hopes projected onto him? I fear it may have been the latter: so, here I stand, the deceived and the deceiver of my own feelings.

His darker side scared me? No. More, ashamedly, I am smarting from not being taken there: kept separate. A whole side he hid away from me.

My friends, the real ones, are around me: ready to cheer me on and bolster me up. But it's very hard to hear words of how beautiful, sexy and clever you are when the man who used to say it no longer speaks. And if you don't believe it either? Well, you're onto a non starter really.

So here I am, at the starting line, watching the smoking gun and unable to move.

Bereft.

The Year Of Me

It's Chinese New Year &, if you understand the reference, you'll know it truly is the year of me.

And about bloody time.

There's a job wafting about on the horizon, all beautiful & perfectly scented; there's still the chance of becoming a Special Constable (although the tests are akin to collecting hens' teeth in a gilded basket); there's my wonderful son & my oldest and coolest of friends.

The life lessons I've learned in the past year are (roughly):

1. You can, if you really want to, keep running up against that brick wall &, if you want to be really dramatic, why not bounce your head off it a few times? You will draw a crowd & they will pontificate but sometimes it's just easier to pick your shit up, say so long to the wall, and walk around it.

2. That Ready Meals, especially those that come out of the freezer, really are shit.

3. That sometimes the funniest, most laid back of friends can harbour a darker side that needs either constant fortune telling or babysitting.

4. That it's ok to not be cut out to handle the above.

5. That things and people happen for a reason and, if you stop pushing the button too hard, it or they will happen in their own sweet time.

6. That hammering it out on the treadmill (preferably with a bit of David Guetta in your audio canals) WILL take plenty of the stress away.

7. That dancing the night away with the girls doesn't make you a trollop - it means you're having genuine fun.

8. That wine is ever so yum.

9. That people sometimes walk away for a reason and, if only I wasn't such an analyzer, I might actually discover the answer why.

10. That people will hurt you.......... so I'd better put that rabbit's metal jacket on then.

Solace

My one smile.

Brunches may get cancelled; bedtimes get a lot later than expected.

But a lot purer & simpler than anything I've known in a long time.

What then?

My head is spinning. So many directions. So may choices. New chapters or the latest tragedy?

I went to bed last night - it snowed in the small hours. I still have no idea if it was real or a dream. My mind is living out in another place. Eternally spinning......

You hear these decisions come fast & hard; or are thrust upon you or grab you in the night & chill your heart, steel your soul. In truth? I am lost. I don't want to sink back into the mud but I'm too scared? Too hesitant? to climb out. I do not know what to do and I feel cheated. I was expecting an epiphany; angels; at least some dramatic theme tune, but its just me and my thoughts spinning, spinning.

I need certainty, the "yes, you're absolutely right" but life isn't like that. To go now would feel like a thief in the night. I need the neon sign; winking "go now" at me - neon & comforting & certain.

I only have one life..... which way to go?

I learned something else tonight......you won't necessarily get it all. Oh, you'll get the plate alright, the promise. The cakes all pastel & perfect, sprinkled with the fairy dust of your future. They are delicious & oh so beautiful. Aren't they just perfect & fun? But on closer inspection they come with a price tag. I don't want to live up to an ideal where the fun becomes the proviso.

Sharpening.

They say that hard times show you who your friends really are. My friend, no longer: my back no longer guarded. The spite & anger left me reeling: my ears deafened by the buzz of shock.

For a second I was angry: betrayed & riled. And then.....simply - the steel doors came down; my heart protected. Once bitten? Never shy. The final realisation that the only best friend is yourself - that women are usually just too bloody hard work with a self serving agenda that will show itself eventually. Put your trust & true self in another & watch them break it, distort it, make it answerable to them.

Then came the real surprise. The void became filled with relief: the clean, clear air filling it up. My eggshell days are finally over. My wings are drying.

I am finally finding the freedom to be me in all my multicoloured facets & glorious faults. I can finally welcome myself with open arms - I am home.

Sweet child of mine.

I am a Princess. This is a fact. I am also The Best Mummy In The Universe. He lays these accolades at my feet daily, his voluntary offerings.

I can be wild and impulsive but he is my constant; my sun around which I orbit, getting my warmth from his love and my light from his laughter.

Silken velvet curls, Wedgwood eyes, Snow White skin. He is nothing of me and yet my all.

I was told that I am broken - bearing another is not advisable for me. Is this why he is so cherished? No. It is because he is my ultimate; because his energy fills the room; he is white light and resonates as purely as a tuning fork.

My son.

I love you.